forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
