Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
