Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
