She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
