$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize