Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
