I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
