so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
