So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
