you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
