Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
