you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
