1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
