I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
