The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
