I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
