The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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