in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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