no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
