Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
