Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
