yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
