Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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