I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
