so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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