your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
