Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
