Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
