ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Couch. On fire.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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