i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
