i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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