I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
