I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We just shotgunned beers for America
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize