please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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