I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
