I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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