I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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