omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
