I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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