Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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