Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
