you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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