Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
