do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
