i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
