You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
