Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
