Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
