you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize