they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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