I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
