there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
