Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
