you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
