He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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