What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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