it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
