Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
