my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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