How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
