Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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