Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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