Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
