Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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