There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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