Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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