we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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