1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
