you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
