I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
