Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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