you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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