worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
