and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
