I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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