Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
